


Everywhere I go I’m reminded of you (and what you did to me, to us)

by ToshiChan



Category: A Series of Unfortunate Events - Lemony Snicket
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Coping, Family Feels, Found Family, Gen, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Recovery, The Baeudelaires and the Quagmires live together, Therapy, Trauma, i want them to be happy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-14
Updated: 2019-01-14
Packaged: 2019-10-10 02:42:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,882
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17417507
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ToshiChan/pseuds/ToshiChan
Summary: It’s been five years since the Baudelaires reached the mainland with Beatrice, reunited with the Quagmires and all started to live together. Violet sees a therapist fortnightly, worries about her siblings and tries to keep everyone together.





	Everywhere I go I’m reminded of you (and what you did to me, to us)

“How are you doing this week, Violet?” Violet’s therapist greets her warmly as Violet enters her office. The question is always the same and usually the answer is as well. Violet is asked how she is and she answers back that she’s fine, which is a lie. They both know it, know Violet wouldn’t even be there if she was fine, but they both pretend it’s the truth just for a bit.

This time, Violet answers differently. She breaks the mould, snaps free from the unspoken rule she and her therapist have created.

“I’m worried about Klaus.” She says.

This momentarily startles her therapist, an elderly lady who Violet calls JJ at her insistence.

“That doesn’t answer my question, Violet.” JJ gestures for Violet to take a seat. She does.

“Yes it does.” Violet replies. “You asked how I am. I’m worried. Specifically about Klaus.”

“Alright,” JJ reaches for the notebook she writes in during Violet’s sessions. “Do you want to talk about this worry?”

Normally when she is prompted to open up about her feelings, Violet does the opposite and clamps shut. She’s not naive enough to believe she doesn’t need to be at therapy after all that she’s lived through but that doesn’t mean it’s easy for her. Violet is untrusting of adults on principle, even if JJ is perfectly nice and Violet had worked together with Duncan to perform a background check on her just to make sure she was clear. Violet won’t trust JJ until she is given a good reason to and so far, she hasn’t seen one.

And yet today is an unusual day.

So Violet says yes. 

“Yes. I want to talk about it.”

Again, JJ’s shock is made apparent to Violet. Still, she composes herself in record time and smiles warmly. Violet will bet anything that JJ is treating this as a breakthrough. Klaus, and Sunny by extension, will probably become conversation starters that JJ can use to analyse Violet further. Violet isn’t offended by this. JJ is just doing the job Violet pays her to do, and where’s the fault in that?

“So, what’s made you worried?” JJ’s pen is poised over her paper.

“I’m always worried about Klaus and Sunny.” Violet begins hesitantly. “It’s just lately that things have gotten worse.”

“Worse how?”

“Klaus won’t see a therapist and I don’t want to force him into it but his behaviour’s starting to change. He won’t get out of bed sometimes and he just spends the whole day lying there. He’s not really interested in his books and he gets angry at me and Sunny and Beatrice and Duncan and Isadora and Quigley. He has these horrible nightmares as well. He keeps waking the whole house up with his screams. But when we try to help him, he won’t let us.”

It’s the most Violet has ever spoken at once in a session and JJ’s pen is flying across the page. She’s probably not writing anything about Klaus’s issues. Klaus is just a way for JJ to figure out Violet. JJ is a professional though, so Violet trusts her to have some ideas on how to help Klaus.

“It sounds as though Klaus is finally starting to comprehend what happened to you all and is struggling to process it in a healthy way.” JJ looks up from her writing. “My obvious recommendation is that he see a therapist.”

“Which he won’t do.” Violet reminds her. “He doesn’t trust adults.”

“Neither do you.” JJ points out.

“I trust enough.” Violet says shortly. “None of us have reason to trust but we’re trying. It’s hard for Klaus though. You don’t know the things he went through.”

“You went through the same things.”

“I’m older.” Violet protests. “It’s different. I know I need to be here. I need to help Klaus realise that as well, but he won’t listen. I’m asking you for help, alright.”

“Alright.” JJ accepts. Her pen doesn’t stop moving. Just as Violet had expected, she’s becoming vulnerable. Klaus and Sunny were always her weakness, even as they were her strength.

“What can I do?”

“It sounds like Klaus is suffering from PTSD, just as you do. I cannot properly diagnose it without meeting with him but that is my best estimate.” JJ ponders.

“Not suffering from.” Violet snaps. “Living with.”

“Okay.” JJ scribbles something else down. “Anyway, perhaps you can reach out to him with the coping mechanisms I’ve taught you.”

“But we’re two completely different people.”

“Yes, that is a problem.” JJ muses. “Are you completely certain he won’t meet with a therapist. It doesn’t have to be me. There are plenty of other professionals working here, not just me. I could recommend him to one of them.”

Violet rubs at her temples, remembering the fight that had sprung up when she’d first suggested to Klaus that he follow in her footsteps and see a therapist. “I’m certain.”

“Then I can’t be of much help, I’m afraid.” JJ says apologetically.

Violet springs to her feet. “Then what help are you?!”

“Violet, I am your therapist, not Klaus’s.” JJ’s voice is sharp. “I cannot help him based on knowledge you pass to me. Surely you are smart enough to understand that.”

“I am.” Violet sinks back into her chair. “It’s just hard, alright. I’ve spent so long looking after Klaus and Sunny and just when it finally feels like we’re out of danger, it turns out that we can never be the people we used to be. I’m twenty, JJ. I’m not old enough for all of this.”

“I agree.” JJ actually sets her pen down and meets Violet’s eyes. “I am of the belief that you cannot continue to live the way that you, your siblings and your friends live. You need an adult guardian. You cannot be the ones to support yourself at such an age. How old are you all, again?”

“The triplets are nineteen. Klaus is eighteen. Sunny is nearly six and Beatrice is nearly five.” Violet replies mechanically. She’s made it her business to know everything as the oldest and the one in charge.

“You are too young to deal with all of this.” JJ sighs.

“But there’s nobody who can look after us. Nobody we can trust. I’m all they have.” Violet grits out. Why does JJ not understand this? Oh, right. She’s an outsider. All she knows about what the Baudelaires and the Quagmires went through is what Violet has told her. She could never possible realise the scope of what Violet was feeling.

Violet knows she needs therapy but maybe JJ was a mistake.

“Violet, have you ever tried to get in contact with some of your old guardians?” JJ prompts.

“Never.” Violet exclaims, aghast. “They were all horrible. They let us down.”

“But surely there were some who didn’t. There was Justice Strauss and Jerome Squalor if I remember. Weren’t they good people?”

“Good people who let us down.” Violet snaps. “They can’t be trusted.”

“Then who can you turn to?”

“Nobody.” Violet speaks as though JJ is a small child and not a trained therapist with nearly thirty years of experience.

“Violet, it is my professional recommendation that you cannot continue to live the way you live. You work three jobs. The triplets work five between them. Klaus has two. You should not have to support yourself in this manner.” JJ lists off the jobs with only slight hesitation. She’s probably reading from her notes on previous sessions.

“Plenty of people do it.” Violet says tightly.

“But not people with your history.” JJ retaliates. “I implore you, use your fortunes.”

Violet freezes.

The Baudelaires and the Quagmires are yet to access their parent’s large fortunes.  It’s hard to explain, but Violet cannot use the money that had made her and her siblings a target for so long. She’s so paranoid that she feels using it would paint a large target on their backs. It sits in the bank and she tries to forget about it.

She fails.

“None of us can touch that money.” She says and leaves it at that. JJ can interpret it however she sees fit.

“I know I have no power over you. Young as you may be, you are an adult, as are the Quagmires and Klaus. But I recommend-”

“I know what you recommend.” Violet interrupts. “Look, I don’t want to talk about this. I just want advice on how to help Klaus.”

“I have given you my advice. You don’t want to take it. I understand it’s hard but-”

“You understand nothing!” Violet yells. “I have to go.”

“Violet!” JJ calls after her. “Violet please, I’m sorry. I want to help. It’s my job to help.”

“I know.” Violet pauses at the door. “I’m sorry. It’s too much today. I’ll see you next time.”

It’s not a promise but JJ doesn’t call after her or try to get anyone to stop her. Violet walks out of the office, through the reception, down the stairs and to the bus stop. She fiddles with her ribbon as she waits for the bus and she goes home.

Home is the very top floor of a crumbling house turned apartment building with a crabby landlord old enough to be someone’s great, great grandma. Home was chosen because it was cheap, the landlord was too old to hurt them, and the top floor meant that they barely came into contact with other residents. The house has three bedrooms (one was a study that is small but suits Sunny and Beatrice well enough) a living room, dinky kitchen and mouldy bathroom.

They make do.

When Violet gets home, everyone else is there as well. The triplets are piled on top of each other on the saggy couch. Sunny is cooking something with Beatrice and Klaus is in his and Violet’s shared room.

“I thought you had work.” Violet says to Quigley in lieu of a proper greeting.

“Water main burst. Shop was shut for the day.” Quigley reports. “It’s nice to see you too.”

“Sorry.” Violet runs a hand through her hair. “Hard session.”

“Want to talk about it?” Isadora offers. She and Duncan see a therapist occasionally and understand how frustrating it can be.

“Not really.” Violet declines as gently as she can. “How’s Klaus?”

“Alright.” Duncan perks up at the mention of his best friend. “He had lunch with us and helped us clean.”

“That’s good.” Violet says, because it is.

“Did your therapist have any ideas about how to help him?” Duncan asks anxiously.

“Not really.” Violet hangs her bag on the cobbled together rack that she fashioned from some junk she’d found on hard rubbish day. “None we can really try, anyway.”

“What did she suggest?” Quigley gets up from the triplet pile and offers Violet his spot. She shakes her head and drifts over to the kitchen, strangely sealed off from the rest of the house in a way kitchens rarely are.

“She wants us to find a trustworthy adult to look after us, so we can focus on healing.” Violet snorts.

“A trustworthy adult?” Isadora scoffs. “As if they exist.”

“I tried to tell her that, but she wouldn’t listen.”

“Of course, she didn’t. She’s an adult. Probably thought you were being insulting.” Duncan laughs but it’s a bitter sound.

“I’m going to check on dinner.” Violet says, ending the conversation. What she really means is she’s going to check on Sunny and Beatrice and the triplets know this, understand this.

They’re the only ones outside of Violet and her siblings who do understand.

“Vi!” Sunny squeals when Violet enters the kitchen. She abandons her pot of something (soup?) and climbs off the small stool she uses to reach the bench so that she can run to Violet for a hug. “You’re back early!”

“I wanted to be home.” Violet says.

“Welcome back!” Baby Beatrice chirps. She’s Sunny’s official helper in the kitchen which really means she sits around and plays with discarded cutlery and utensils.

“What are you making?” Violet asks.

“Guess.” Sunny smiles, showing off her unusually sharp teeth.

“Soup.” Violet tries.

“Correct.” Sunny gives Violet a little hug.

“Always soup.” Beatrice giggles which is fair because it usually is soup. Hot soup, not cold and flavoured with cucumbers. Violet shivers as the thought.

“How’s Klaus?” She repeats her previous question, because the Quagmires may have told her what Klaus did, but she wants to know how he is.

Sunny pulls an odd face. “Sad.”

“Why?”

“Don’t know.”

“Sad.” Beatrice mimics. “Sad, sad, sad!” She’s four but you wouldn’t be able to tell that from how verbal she was. She spoke rarely and shortly.

“I’ll go check on him.” Violet decides. “Then Bea and I can set the table.”

“Table.” Beatrice echoes and she smiles. Violet feels her heart lift. Beatrice is so precious to all of them, regardless if she was Count Olaf’s (and doesn’t that thought have Violet freezing for a moment) child or not.

Violet leaves the kitchen, flashes a smile at the resumed triplet pile and then ducks down the hallway and into her and Klaus’s room.

It’s small and cramped, overtaken by two single beds, two desks and a wardrobe. Books and tools litter every available space and Violet has to tread carefully to avoid falling. There’s a lump under the blankets on Klaus’s bed which can only be her only brother.

“Klaus?” She prompts gently once she’s close enough to perch on the end of his bed. “Are you awake?”

“Violet?” Klaus pulls himself out from the covers and blinks at her. His hair is ruffled, and his glasses sit squarely on his face. Violet knows he rarely takes them off, too afraid to be blind for even the shortest of moments. “You’re home early.”

“I wanted to be.” Violet says simply and the two sit quietly for a moment.

Violet breaks the silence to ask the final stage of the question she’s been asking since she got home.

“How are you?”

Klaus shifts in his bed. “Today’s been better.”

“But not good?”

“No.”

“I see. Can I do anything?”

“No.” Klaus sighs. “I just need to rest.”

“That’s what you always say.” Violet can’t help but say. “When are you going to find the help you need?”

“When I want to.” Klaus mutters. “When we can afford to.”

Violet reels back as though she’d been struck, struck as Klaus had been struck all those years ago.

“Is this what this is all about?” She barely dares ask. “Money?”

“No.” Klaus repeats. “Well, only a little. Maybe it’s an excuse.”

“I could use our fortune.” Violet isn’t listening. “I could use the fortune and get you all the help you need.”

“I don’t want that.” Klaus reminds her. “None of us do. Not yet.”

“But_”

“I know I’m not alright.” Klaus blinks behind his glasses. “I’m not stupid. I know none of us are. After what we went through with Count Olaf, I’d be surprised if we were. So much happened to us and it’s still fresh, even after five years. Duncan and Isadora want to get Quigley into therapy and you want to do the same for me. But I’m just not ready yet. I’m not as brave as you.”

“Me going to therapy isn’t brave.” Violet protests.

“It is Vi, it really is.” Klaus says softly. “You do so much for us, it’s incredible. I know I’m worrying you at the moment and I promise I’m trying. Is that enough?”

Violet looks at her brother. He doesn’t look good and even then, she’s probably underexaggerating. There are huge bags under his eyes, he’s lost weight and his skin is horribly pale. But…she knows how strong and brave he is. She remembers everything they went through and how Klaus was always so ready to keep fighting, even when it didn’t always seem like it. Count Olaf struck him across the face, held knives to him, hypnotised him and yet here Klaus sits. 

“Of course it’s enough.” Violet says and it’s a promise.

“Okay.” Klaus smiles. It’s weak and wobbly but it’s there and Violet couldn’t ask for more.

She really couldn’t.

Violet loves Klaus and she loves Sunny and Beatrice and Duncan and Isadora and Quigley. She wants to do more then let Klaus try, even if it’s enough that he is trying. She wants to help.

“I want to help you.” Violet says shyly. “Can I?”

“I’d like that. I just can’t promise I’ll always be up for it.” Klaus explains. “If we’re the same…if I have what you have, then you understand. Like you always do. So you understand that I can’t always be ready for help.”

Violet thinks back to JJ’s office and the help that was offered and refused.

“I do.” She says.

“Good.” Klaus looks relieved.

“Dinner’s nearly ready. Want to help me and Bea set the table?” Violet changes the subject.

“Sure.” Klaus gets out of bed and together they step through the tools and books and into the living room where the triplets smile, and where Sunny and Beatrice wait for them as they have always done.

Their home is small but their family is big, and though Count Olaf haunts them, they’re trying.

And that’s enough.

**Author's Note:**

> I read ASOUE as a kid and have recently been revisiting it thanks to the TV show. I'm desperate for content about the kids so I wrote this. Please comment and leave kudos if you enjoyed it!


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